| FOR THE MOST PART, I AM AN EASY GUY TO | | | | fact, I say if you can't beat em, join em. To a lot of |
| PLEASE. Give me nice warm weather and a box of | | | | people, living in a big city with petty crime is a bad thing, |
| original Ritz crackers and I'm generally happy. When | | | | but to me there could be no better place to practice |
| you bring monkeys into the picture, I'm in heaven. | | | | some stealing of my own. I mostly do pick pocketing |
| Panama pleasantly surprised me when I first got down | | | | and I dabble in dog-napping. In the hierarchy of criminals, |
| here however long ago. Panama City is pretty modern | | | | pickpockets like me are like at the bottom, one above |
| in that it's got lots of tall buildings and a pretty sturdy | | | | mailbox burglars and the guys who steal pies from |
| banking center, but it is the men on horses and | | | | windowsills. |
| roadside meat shacks just outside the city, that read | | | | In all seriousness though, the cops are pretty friendly |
| hilariously out-of-date. In a sense, this contrast, this | | | | and good to expats like myself. It is a city though, and |
| juxtaposition of old and new, of tradition and | | | | with city life you get crime. Nothing is too extreme, and |
| contemporariness is what keeps me on my toes. | | | | to give you an idea, we feel more comfortable here |
| Because the US military occupied Panama for so long, | | | | than we do in Washington D.C. Costa Rica has gotten |
| we have way more chain restaurants than most | | | | a shameful rap for prostitution and some of that |
| countries in Central America. We have Quizno's, | | | | applies to Panama too. Lots of men explore that |
| Burger King, and my personal favorite, Wendy's where | | | | sphere and though they'll never tell their partner, a fair |
| I can continue my ongoing french-fry study as to | | | | amount cheat on their spouses. This is kinda like asking |
| whether or not there really is a difference between | | | | a mime who his favorite performer is: you know he |
| the medium and biggie portions. Most of these | | | | has one, but he'll never tell you their name. |
| fast-food joints will deliver to your house, via small | | | | There's an old saying that goes something like this: give |
| noisy motorbikes. You would think this kind of service | | | | a man a fish, he eats fish for a day. Give a man a |
| would nourish the country's lazy, couch potato | | | | fishing pole and he'll catch tuna fish that same day. The |
| demographic but Panamanians, for the most part, are | | | | fishing down here is really pretty spectacular, rivaling |
| not fat. | | | | that of Mexico. We have what is considered to be |
| Mistake: Arriving in Panama in September without a | | | | "the best fishing lodge in the world" down in the Darien |
| rain jacket. The weather here is hard to complain | | | | jungle. We also have what I consider to be the best |
| about though: about 80 year-round. The rainy season | | | | shortcut in the world--the Panama Canal--which is a |
| lasts a good five months, during which you can expect | | | | little bit more than a tourist trap. |
| a torrential downpour every few days. It's during this | | | | I'm sure there's some way they calculate standard of |
| season that I've come to experience new levels of | | | | living and I'm assuming it's on a 100 point scale. If that's |
| rain, new intensities of rain that before I never knew | | | | the case, I'd give Panama a 94. I love the fact that I |
| existed. Just yesterday, for example, it was raining so | | | | can have a beautiful $100 dinner atop a high-rise (the |
| hard that this gushing rivulet of rainwater lifted some | | | | restaurant scene is off the hook) or a $2 mountain of |
| kid's play truck--the kind with an orange body and | | | | food at a café. I love how I can be in meetings |
| yellow roof--and drifted it all the way down to Via | | | | in the city in shiny buildings with snappy dressers, then |
| Argentina. | | | | 2 hours later, be sitting in the San Blas Caribbean |
| During rain storms, I come up with lyrics. If you weren't | | | | archipelago with a 500 year-old tribe of Kunas. I love |
| aware, I am a bit of a underground rap artist, and | | | | the infrastructure, which makes it easy to get to |
| sometimes, I like to use my articles as marketing | | | | secluded beaches and mountainous regions in a |
| vehicles for this talent. Here are a few lines I threw | | | | breezy afternoon. In my opinion, Panamanians take |
| together about Panama: | | | | great pleasure in pretending to be tough. I love the |
| "Yeah I like to go out to beaches | | | | people though because I think they are unique: hard on |
| Las Palmas, you know. | | | | the outside but caring and sincere in the middle--similar |
| Cheaters envy if I wanna get grimey wit' it down in | | | | to Junior Mints. |
| Coronado | | | | If you're reading this, then you've probably taken the |
| Coral Lodge in San Blas | | | | time to read the entire article which I commend you on. |
| And when I get there, I just sit back and chill." | | | | I would recommend, however, that you do something |
| The safety standard here is pretty high, though it is the | | | | more productive with your time: go to night school or |
| occasional murder or robbery that simply reminds me | | | | something. Oh, and if its your birthday today, happy |
| of that all-too-cliché theme of 'living in the third | | | | birthday. |
| world'. I've been robbed and really, it's not all that bad: In | | | | |