| It's quiet in the house as I sit down to an | | | | span toward women's clothes and household |
| early breakfast watching the TV news, a | | | | knickknacks. She drags me through the stores |
| favorite book readied by me side for the | | | | looking for bargains, exchanging the items |
| commercials. A faint noise from above and a | | | | she bought last week for new ones. She |
| slithery sound on the stairs sibnals the | | | | asks my opinion on wall sconces, sweater |
| premature arrival of my spouse, ready to do | | | | sets, cooking pots, flower arrangements and |
| battle. 'Good mornings' are followed by a | | | | glassware. My priorities are strictly based |
| crashing a cacophony from the direction of | | | | on function and quality. Her priorities are |
| the dishwasher which is being emptied. Then | | | | exact matching shades of color, how it will |
| sink sounds plow through the air to my | | | | fit in with the other ten thousand |
| sensitive ears, completely covering the | | | | knickknacks, and whether the store will take |
| breaking news. the message in this | | | | it back. |
| performance is that there is a lot of work to | | | | |
| do today and I had beter help her do it. I | | | | Soon I find myself three steps behind, |
| counter by mentioning al the things I had | | | | finding places to sit down, getting into |
| already performed to no avail. I suggest | | | | conversations with the sales people and |
| that she make out a list of projects waiting | | | | mimicking E.T. saying "Home". A remark that |
| to be done but get only a long harangue on | | | | she never goes shopping with me to Sears |
| how the last list she made twenty years ago | | | | Hardware or Crazy Max's Electronic Wonderland |
| was half crossed off and the other half | | | | is met with a blank stare, a half smile, and |
| ignored. What a memory! | | | | a look that means an out-of-hand dismissal of |
| | | | the idea. The only saving of the day is a |
| I have become adept at pattering on | | | | nice coffee and yogurt break in the middle. |
| conversationally to a stony face and buttoned | | | | |
| lips. The meaning contained in this feminine | | | | Through all the variations of meaningful |
| language translates that I have said or done | | | | looks, reminders of past mistakes and silent |
| something completely unsympathetic or have | | | | treatments, the expression I see on her face |
| not done something supportive to her cause. | | | | of pure happiness when presented with an |
| I usually try to jump over this lack of | | | | unexpected bouquet of flowers or a needed |
| communication by announcing the start of a | | | | chore done while she was last minute food |
| new project dear to her heart, hoping that | | | | shopping for guests makes her secret language |
| the real cause of her silence will reveal | | | | all worth while. |
| itself. | | | | |
| | | | Next year we'll be married for 40 years. |
| An offer to go shopping with her brings on a | | | | I've been in love with the same woman all |
| instant happy response, in spite of the | | | | that time. No, not great - if my wife finds |
| knowledge of my notoriously short attention | | | | out, she'll kill me. Just kidding. |