| It's quiet in the house as I sit down to | | | | and household knickknacks. She drags me |
| an early breakfast watching the TV news, | | | | through the stores looking for bargains, |
| a favorite book readied by me side for | | | | exchanging the items she bought last |
| the commercials. A faint noise from | | | | week for new ones. She asks my |
| above and a slithery sound on the stairs | | | | opinion on wall sconces, sweater sets, |
| sibnals the premature arrival of my | | | | cooking pots, flower arrangements and |
| spouse, ready to do battle. 'Good | | | | glassware. My priorities are strictly |
| mornings' are followed by a crashing a | | | | based on function and quality. Her |
| cacophony from the direction of the | | | | priorities are exact matching shades of |
| dishwasher which is being emptied. Then | | | | color, how it will fit in with the other |
| sink sounds plow through the air to my | | | | ten thousand knickknacks, and whether |
| sensitive ears, completely covering the | | | | the store will take it back. |
| breaking news. the message in this | | | | Soon I find myself three steps behind, |
| performance is that there is a lot of | | | | finding places to sit down, getting into |
| work to do today and I had beter help | | | | conversations with the sales people and |
| her do it. I counter by mentioning al | | | | mimicking E.T. saying "Home". A remark |
| the things I had already performed to no | | | | that she never goes shopping with me to |
| avail. I suggest that she make out a | | | | Sears Hardware or Crazy Max's Electronic |
| list of projects waiting to be done but | | | | Wonderland is met with a blank stare, a |
| get only a long harangue on how the last | | | | half smile, and a look that means an |
| list she made twenty years ago was half | | | | out-of-hand dismissal of the idea. The |
| crossed off and the other half ignored. | | | | only saving of the day is a nice coffee |
| What a memory! | | | | and yogurt break in the middle. |
| I have become adept at pattering on | | | | Through all the variations of meaningful |
| conversationally to a stony face and | | | | looks, reminders of past mistakes and |
| buttoned lips. The meaning contained in | | | | silent treatments, the expression I see |
| this feminine language translates that I | | | | on her face of pure happiness when |
| have said or done something completely | | | | presented with an unexpected bouquet of |
| unsympathetic or have not done something | | | | flowers or a needed chore done while she |
| supportive to her cause. I usually try | | | | was last minute food shopping for guests |
| to jump over this lack of communication | | | | makes her secret language all worth |
| by announcing the start of a new project | | | | while. |
| dear to her heart, hoping that the real | | | | Next year we'll be married for 40 years. |
| cause of her silence will reveal itself. | | | | I've been in love with the same woman |
| An offer to go shopping with her brings | | | | all that time. No, not great - if my |
| on a instant happy response, in spite of | | | | wife finds out, she'll kill me. Just |
| the knowledge of my notoriously short | | | | kidding. |
| attention span toward women's clothes | | | | |